Author Archives: Niki Workman

About Niki Workman

My name is Rev. Niki Workman. I consider my primary job title to be Guide. I am a sacred sexuality educator, Reiki Master, minister, healer, Access Bars Practitioner, Oneness Blessing giver, and meditation leader for guided imagery. All of those other titles lead back to my primary mission: to guide my students and clients towards healing and connection with the Divine, bringing light into their lives.

A stop on the healing journey

In my last newsletter I wrote that I was super busy. Well that just increased in the following weeks to the point that I got completely overwhelmed.

Image of Niki looking overwhelmedMoksha Magick classes, Reiki classes, presenting at various festivals, planning a private retreat, new Reiki clients, new promotional materials, and of course prepping for the Reiki Retreat at Sea have been enough to keep anyone busy! The Universe is sending what I’ve been asking for, and I am grateful beyond measure!

On top of that, my caseload at my day job has been growing by leaps and bounds, and finding time to take care of all my client has been mind-boggling.

Just like anyone else, I find it hard to take my own advice, but I really am trying. I am doing my best to feed my body nourishing foods, get enough rest, and keep up with my yoga routine. I’m also trying to be strict about sticking to my meditation practice and scheduling times to do things I enjoy.

Last week I did something really important. I made a post to one of my Facebook groups about how overwhelmed I was. I felt better just by writing out my frustration. I got a lot of support and some of the members asked really good questions to help me clarify and prioritize things

Then, over the weekend I participated in the Holistic Heath Family Gathering at All World Acres in Plant City. What a healing weekend! I was there partially to teach my Moving through Emotions workshop and to spend time with people I love in a place I think of as home. I got so much more than that! My favorite workshop was Ego Warrior with the amazing Dru Ann Welch. She was as insightful and funny as always and gave some fabulous tips from her latest book by the same name about how to take the remote control out of the hands of you ego and take back control of your life. Since then I’ve been having conversations with my ego and a tug-of-war over that remote control.

Image of Ashley Rae with her crystal bowls

Ashley Rae with her crystal bowls

During a sound bath with 15 crystal bowls played by Dru Ann and festival organizer, Ashley Rae, I set the intention that of bringing people into my life that will help me to achieve my goals and healing any blocks that were preventing that. As the vibrations of the bowls moved through me, I felt a huge release! I realized shortly after that that the right people had already started to show up, and as the weekend went on, I had some enlightening conversations with some very practical applications that will lighten the burden I’ve been struggling under.

As the weekend continued, I did a personal vibrational healing session and got a massage. Both of those sessions, as well as many other small experiences throughout the festival helped me to realign with my priorities, including spiritual practice and self-care. It was also my honor to be asked to lead the Saturday night healing circle. When it was my turn to receive, the love I was bathed in washed over me and covered me in a blanket of healing and appreciation that was palpable.

In fact the whole weekend was full to overflowing with love and acceptance.

I start the new week feeling more balanced, in better control of my priorities, and full of love.

Points of Light – Grounding (video)

Points of Light is a new video series that will be highlighting tips and information related to energywork, meditation, and healing, as well as other services from Circle of Light. Our first topic is one of the most fundamental energywork practices: Grounding.

Please post your questions, comments, and favorite methods of grounding below! I love to hear from you!

A Year of Choices, a Year to Ask

“Ask, Trust, Allow” – Author Unknown

Picture of three open doors, with the word "choice" superimposed over them

2017 was a year full of choices, partially because I asked for them. As I mentioned in previous posts, (this one too) my word for 2017 was choice. Granted, every year is full of choices. Not a day goes by that we don’t make choices, even if that choice is to maintain the status quo.

One of the things I learned throughout the year was to remember that I had a choice, and even more importantly, that just because I had chosen something at one time, I did not have to keep choosing it.

So I chose to close the healing center that I worked so hard to create. I chose not to choose a new goal right away. I chose to be gentle with myself as I transitioned away from the old dream. I chose to enjoy myself and return to some hobbies I had not made time for in years. I chose to feed my soul be attending and sharing in groups that others were facilitating. I chose to honor my body, to nourish it with movement and better nutrition. I chose to release more trauma stored in my body. I chose to claim my power regarding who has access to my body and I how I want to share it. I chose to embrace my sexuality with joy and power. I chose to heal and grow, rather than stagnate. I chose to begin dreaming new dreams.

For 2018, the word I choose to bring with me throughout the year is “ASK.” For far too long, I have held back in asking for what I need and for what I want. I have lived my life in fear of being told, “no,” mistaking that “no” for a rejection of the validity of the request or of myself. I have hidden my need for help, mistaking vulnerability and need for weakness. I have forgotten that even when human help isn’t available that I have a legion of guides and gods in the spirit world, not to mention my True Self, ready to supply answers and aid if I only ASK.

So this year, I chose to face my fears and ask.

I am Thankful for Hard Choices

I have so very, very much to be thankful for right now. One of those things is a gratitude practice that I carry with me all year.

I have had some low times this year. At the beginning of the year, I was depressed and struggling financially. I had taken a leap of faith by creating a physical center for Circle of Light. Choosing into that life had been hard, and choosing out if it was just as hard. I am grateful for both of those choices.

I had a different type of hard choice to make earlier this month. I went through a transition that was a combination of backing off my thyroid meds and experiencing the worst PMS explosion that I’ve had in years. Those two days of hell were followed by cold and allergies taking over my life for a week so. The choice I made in those circumstances was to listen to and honor my body and what it was telling me about my mental and emotional state.
When we’re feeling tired and miserable, it’s hard to ask these questions. It’s harder still to listen to the answer. I’m thankful that I both asked and listened. Having made it out the other side, I am feeling newly energized, committed, and uplifted. I never would have felt that way without my body signaling me to look deeper.

So I give thanks for choices. I give thanks for my body. I give thanks for the people who have supported and guided me to where I am right at this moment.

And I give thanks for you, my clients, students, and supporters. Thank you for walking with me and trusting me with your beautiful souls.

P.S. Special shoutout to my last Reiki class who talked me into doing Healing Circles again!

Challenge of the WeekMy challenge to you is to be thankful. Not for a just a day or a month, but all year. I challenge you to develop a gratitude practice that you can take with you year round. Here are some ideas to get you started:

– Make a gratitude journal. Decorate the cover with things you are grateful for and set aside time each day to write 3 to 5 things you are grateful for.

– Set aside a gratitude box or basket. Whenever you notice something you are grateful for, jot it down on a piece of paper. When you have a bad day, take them out and read them.

– Write thank you notes. This is a practice that has gone out of style. And it doesn’t have to be just for special occasions. Write a thank you note to your waitress, a cashier, your kids, your hairdresser. It doesn’t have to be fancy use the back of a napkin or receipt or sticky note. Do it in the moment right when you think about it.

– Share with someone you love. According to John Gottman “The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict. There is a very specific ratio that makes love last.That “magic ratio” is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.” It doesn’t have to be a romantic partner. Make a point of telling or writing to someone you love about what you appreciate about them.

As always, you are invited to share your experiences in the Grow with MeFacebook group!

#MeToo

By now, almost three weeks after this hashtag blew up, you might be totally over it.  However, the conversations this campaign has sparked have lit a fire under me that I am not ready to let go of. That is partly because the singular campaign has diverged into multi-dimensional conversations about a the widespread and complex issue of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment that has become almost universally pervasive.

The campaign was originally launched over 10 years by activist Tarana Burke, but it was given new life when actress Alyssa Milano tweeted, “If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet.” That singular tweet started a campaign that spread like wildfire over social media. It was originally linked to the scandal surrounding Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein’s sexual misconduct over the past several decades. But quickly it took on a life of its own.

I’m a Facebook girl, and it didn’t take long for the original tweet to make it over to my newsfeed on that platform. The message evolved into a movement aimed at showing the world how pervasive sexual assault and harassment are in the lives of girls and women. It then made another evolutionary leap as men started to share about sexual misconduct directed towards them.

When I pasted #metoo on my own wall, my primary focus was continuing the work I have done my entire adult life. I give a voice, a face, a name to marginalized groups. I am called to speak up and say, “Hey, here I am. You are not alone. I am part of the “they” you are afraid of and are discriminating against. I am here!” Many cannot identify themselves as a member of the LGBT community, the Pagan community, the sex positive community, etc. I say me too to all of the people in those groups and more.

I say me too to those who have been sexually harassed, assaulted, and raped. I add my voice to the millions  (no billions) of others who do speak up…and for those who cannot.

Many people expressed sadness and horror at how many people they knew personally had added their “me too.” Others expressed exasperation at the surprise. “Of course,” they said. “Of course almost every woman you know (and a large number of men) have been harassed and assaulted. Why are you surprised?! What is the point? The statistics are well known. Nothing has changed. Nothing is going to change. Why are we having this conversation?”

My answer is that there are a lot of good reasons to have this conversation.

1. #Metoo has indeed raised awareness, whether that awareness leads to behavioral or policy changes directly remains to be seen, but as with many issues of this magnitude, it is not usually one particular act that causes the big shift.

2. It has helped me to process my own #metoo situations in yet another layer of healing.

3. It has given a platform for some people who have never been able to talk about their situation. Even if all they say is “me too,” for some that step is huge. I honor that. Some have chosen to share their own stories. I honor that too. These conversations are a necessary step in the healing process.

4. It gives, at least in some ways, a sense of scope that perpetrators, victims, and bystanders can wrap their heads around more easily than cold statistics.

5. And most importantly, in my opinion, it gives us names and faces. This mind-boggling pervasive and complex issue becomes much more personal, both in the sense of this has happened to so many people we know…and, for many of us, I always knew I wasn’t alone, and now I don’t feel that I’m alone.

Another frustration that many people have expressed is that the perpetrators aren’t getting the message. They don’t realize that we’re talking about them. It’s true. People can recognize blatant forms of rape (violent, unwanted sexual penetration by a stranger), but fail to see rape when it is committed by a spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend. (Yes, women can rape men! I saw a woman on a friend’s newsfeed making incredulous comments and laughing about the idea – her ignorant comments absolutely infuriated me. Unfortunately her ignorance is not isolated.) They don’t take coercion or less aggressive means of force into account. And that’s not even getting into other forms of sexual assault or harassment that many people don’t even realize they’re committing. I’ve had one or two men who have touched or talked to me in unwanted manners comment on my posts about how awful they feel to know I have experienced these things, not even realizing that they are contributing to the problem. I’m not worried about that. Others are getting it. Others are taking responsibilities for their actions. Others are making changes in how they interact with people going forward.

There’s one more objection that I’ve seen that I think needs to be addressed. An acquaintance of mine said that he thought that all these “me too” posts were a bad idea because it could come back and bite all of us in the form of insurance companies denying benefits, not being hired by potential employers. Well you know what? Keeping our mouths shut about the abuse we have experienced has been the status quo going farther back than I can remember. So maybe for you as a middle-aged white man that’s working out okay, but it sure isn’t for me. The time for silence is over! Let’s keep this conversation going. Let’s address it socially, legally, in the media, and every other avenue that leads to positive change.

As with many issues of this magnitude, it is not usually one particular act that causes the big shift. Rather it is these individual acts, conversations, innovations, and social movements and beyond that combine to create change.

The only thing to fear…is ourselves?

This week I am preparing to teach Moksha Magick classes. Moksha Magick is a practice near and dear to my heart, but I realize that because of the focus on sexuality, many people might not be interested in exploring it. That’s okay. Everyone has a different approach and experience when it comes to a wide variety of healing practices.

Many of the people receiving this newsletter embrace the practice of Reiki and other forms of energy healing whole-heartedly, but you may have friends or family members who perceive these practices as fraudulent or even morally wrong.

I am not here to convince anybody that they should change their spiritual, religious, or ethical beliefs.

I AM here to help people face their fears. And for many certain aspects of sexuality is a big one. In fact I don’t think I have met anyone yet that doesn’t need some form of sexual, including the many sexuality educators I know (myself included).

For most of us, our sexuality has become separate from ourselves. We remove it and put it in a corner, and then call upon it only when “appropriate.” When we begin to heal, we automatically start to close that gap, whether the focus is on sexuality or not. When we bring that intention as a focus, that healing comes much more quickly.

There are other aspects of ourselves which many people are afraid of as well. Things like intuition, psychic abilities, emotional intimacy, and expression of our emotions are just a few.

These things are often much scarier than the boogie man, spiders, enclosed spaces, or even public speaking. These things are part of ourselves, and in order to become a health, whole human being, they MUST be faced.

So whether you take a Moksha Magick class, or not, I invite you to explore your fears within yourself…whether that is with me, with another practitioner, or on your own.

 

A Pointless Exercise in Disney-ism

Yesterday I took an “ebb day,” a day to relax and do nothing but self-care. I slept in until noon. When I woke up, I poked around on the computer a little bit. As I was playing on Pinterest, I saw a list of 51 Disney Baby Names for Girls. For some reason, as I looked at some of the names, I became incensed…I mean sure, you expect Elsa, Ariel, and Aurora…but Maleficent, really? Silvermist? Vanellope? And while most of them were from animated feature films, two were from Enchanted (which was mostly live action) and one was from a Disney Jr. show (Sofia the First). I don’t know why this hodge-podge bothered me so much, but it did. So for some reason, I spent the rest of the day compiling my own list.

I kept it to three classic Disney characters, and the rest were from animated feature films produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios or Pixar. Some were popular names in obscure films (like Olivia from the Great Mouse Detective or Amelia from Treasure Planet) and some are obscure names from the most treasured movies (like Dory in Finding Nemo and Ursula in The Little Mermaid). There are old-fashioned names (Edna, The Incredibles) and blatantly modern ones (Riley, In and Out).

They’re all (in my unimaginative opinion) real names. I found  along the way that I’m not the only one that has a traditional view of names. In 2016, of all girls born in the U.S., 67% shared names from the list of the 1000 most popular that year. So only 23% had one of the tens of thousands of other names chosen that year. Of course I really shouldn’t make any judgements on that count. Hey, my kids are named Elizabeth, #9 from her birth year (2000) and James, #17 in 2004.

I did take a more creative approach when it came to who belonged to the name, besides people and animals, I’ve included a tree, a car, and a couple of robots.

I’ve always been fascinated by names. As a kid, I would read baby name books for fun and make lists. I’m still not completely sure why I’m sharing this list of 53 baby names (or grown-up names for that matter), but here it is in chronological order…

Starting with Disney’s classic stock characters:

Minnie, Daisy, and Clarabelle

Minnie Mouse (first appeared in Steamboat Willie in 1928), Daisy Duck (first appeared in Mr. Duck Steps Out in 1940) , and Clarabelle Cow (first appeared in Steamboat Willie in 1928)

Then 50 characters from animated feature films:

Anastasia

Anastasia Tremain (Cinderella, 1950)

Alice

Alice (Alice in Wonderland,1951)

Wendy

Wendy Darling (Peter Pan,1953)

Aurora and Flora

Princess Aurora and Flora (Sleeping Beauty,1959)

Marie

Marie (The Aristocats,1970)

Marian

Maid Marian (Robin Hood,1973)

Bianca

Miss Bianca (The Rescuers,1977)

Penny

Penny (The Rescuers, 1977), Penny (Bolt, 2008)

Olivia

Olivia Flaversham (The Great Mouse Detective, 1986)

Rita

Rita (Oliver and Company, 1988)

Ariel and Ursula

Ariel and Ursula the Sea Witch (The LIttle Mermaid, 1989)

Belle

Belle (Beauty and the Beast, 1991)

Jasmine

Princess Jasmine (Aladdin, 1992)

Nala

Nala (The Lion King, 1994)

Willow

Grandmother Willow (Pocahontas, 1995)

Esmeralda

Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame, 1996)

Meg

Meg/Megara (Hercules, 1997)

Jane and Kala

Jand and Kala (Tarzan, 1999)

Jessie

Jessie (Toy Story 2, 1999 and Toy Story 3, 2010)

Audrey

Audrey Rocio Ramirez (Atlantis: The Lost Empire, 2001)

Celia and Roz

Celia Mae and Roz (Monsters, Inc., 2001)

Amelia

Captain Amelia (Treasure Planet, 2002)

Lilo

Lilo (Lilo & Stitch, 2002)

Dory

Dory (Finding Nemo, 2003 and Finding Dory, 2016)

Maggie

Maggie (Home on the Range, 2004)

Edna, Helen, and Violet

Edna E. Mode, Helen Parr/Elastigirl, Violet Parr (The Incredibles, 2004)

Sally

Sally Carrera (Cars, 2006, Cars 2, 2001 and Cars 3, 2007)

Doris

Doris (Meet the Robinsons, 2007)

Colette

Colette (Ratatouille, 2007)

Eve

E.V.E (WALL-E, 2008)

Tiana and Charlotte

Tiana and Charlotte La Bouff (The Princess and the Frog, 2009)

Ellie

Ellie (Up, 2009)

Bonnie

Bonnie (Toy Story 3, 2010)

Merida and Elinor

Merida and Elinor (Brave, 2012)

Anna  and Elsa

Anna and Elsa (Frozen, 2013)

Honey

Honey Lemon (Big Hero 6, 2014)

‘

Joy and Riley

Joy and Riley (Inside Out, 2015)

Judy

Judy Hopps (Zootopia, 2016)

Destiny

Destiny (Finding Dory, 2016)

Moana

Moana (Moana, 2016)

 

And just to prove that yes,  I’m just that much of a name geek, here is the list in order by popularity for girls born in the U.S. in 2016:

Olivia (#2) Charlotte (#7) Amelia (#11) Riley (#22) Audrey (#39) Ellie (#43) Violet (#47) Anna (#51) Aurora (#66) Alice (#76) Willow (#96) Jasmine (#122) Ariel (#140) Daisy (#190) Anastasia (#193) Destiny (#203) Maggie (#242) Jane (#280) Joy (#351) Bianca (#386) Helen (#408) Eve (#456) Colette (#469) Marie (#583) Elsa (#623) Tiana (#628)  Jessie (#643) Penny (#693) Nala (#783) Celia (#838) Wendy (#854) Bonnie (#896) Belle (#934) Sally (#1178) Rita (#1184) Marian (#1215) Flora (#1261) Elinor (#1370) Judy (#1537) Doris (#1762) Merida (#1966) Edna (#2335) Minnie (#2662) Moana (#2973) Honey (#3234) Clarabelle (#4265) Ursula (#4764) Kala (#4888) Lilo (#4888) Esmeralda (#5495) Roz (#6009) Meg (#6486) Dory (# 15,174)

While there weren’t too many surprises for me right at the top, I was surprised at how high Jane came in. And while they weren’t the most popular, I didn’t expect other old-fashioned names like Doris and Edna too do so well. Even though it’s a nickname, I would have guessed that Meg would rank higher than Clarabelle  and Moana. Even so, it was still listed ahead of Dory at the bottom of the list.

And OMG! Maleficent came in at 15, 499 in 2015 (couldn’t find any stats from 2016), just behind Fauna (another character from Sleeping Beauty) at 15, 354. Vanellope was at #3282 (that came in ahead of Ursula and Esmerelda – names I had actually heard of) in 2016. Sorry, no Silvermist

Feeling Out Loud!

Once again, having a variety tools as well as a wonderful support system have lead to healing and growth, and I am grateful.

The kids and I have been getting settled into our Image of a pile of boxesnew place over the last month. Now the rest of the boxes needing to be unpacked are all piled in my room! All in all it’s feeling pretty good.

We’re in a condo now. This is so not the kind of living situation I’m used to/generally desire. I’m not a fan of apartment living, and I’m definitely not a fan of HOAs. The biggest consolation was the pool. I love the water!

I had only been in it once for about 15 minutes during the first week. It closes at sunset. On a Friday evening I decided to just slip in there anyway and swim some laps by moonlight around 9 o’clock last night. It was beautiful!

I only got about 5 minutes in before a neighbor decided to take the law into her own hands. She came up and ordered me to get out.

I was still angry about it this morning.

I get triggered when people create or enforce rules for no other reason than to make someone else feel small and themselves feel powerful, but I didn’t know what the root cause was.

I felt myself getting madder and madder over the next two days, seemingly out of all proportion, so I gave myself permission to let it out. I cried and screamedImage of closed eye and kicked and punched with all my might. The release went on for something like 20 minutes. It was obviously linked to something far deeper than the bitch at the pool, but I don’t know what.

I felt much better than I had, but I was still at loose ends. It seems like I missed an opportunity. I asked for some guidance from a dear friend and mentor, Freyja Inanna. She told me, “Go into meditation and connect with that emotion…feel where it comes up in your body and let it fill you and then travel back to the earliest time you felt that way…whatever comes up is perfect. Feel it and release it! Just follow the thread.”

Later that night, during a guided meditation about emotions, I stopped the recording and went to my 6 year-old self. I stroked her hair and told her outloud that it would be okay. I thanked her for standing up for her little sister and told her that we could all go together to find mommy and daddy for a minute. Then I took them back to the nursery and got them cookies and juice and dried little Niki’s tears. It felt good to give myself what I needed, to honor that little girl’s feelings and needs. That process was healing, but it still wasn’t done.

I knew it was time to let go of the hurt brought up by my nosy neighbor. I tried writing and speaking affirmations of letting go, but the process still wasn’t complete.

I started having disturbing dreams and would start shaking out of nowhere. Last Saturday I turned to my feeling wheel to help me see what was going on with me emotionally. Not surprisingly, the words that popped for me were mostly in the wedge related to fear. I spent time with the fear, giving it place. I reached out to a friend, but we kept playing phone tag all day.

Image of the feeling wheel (looks like a pie with the biggest pieces labled fear, anger, disgust, sad, happy, surprise and related feelings divided within those bigger pieces)

Image source: http://i.imgur.com/tGgCSCN.jpg

That night I went to a Moksha Magick gathering. Our intention for the ritual that night was creating harmony in our relationships. The magick we created that night shifted the relationship with my neighbor and with myself. I still have work to do with the little girl who felt so dismissed and overpowered. I imagine it will have a lot to do with expressing the emotions that have been buried for so long.

I am thankful I have such effective tools and so many knowledgeable and compassionate people in my support system. The combination has given me the courage to heal by feeling out loud.

Save

Save