I am taking a journey right now. Well, I consider all of life a journey, but this is a special segment. For the month of June I am taking an online course called the Journey of Yes with the amazing Stephanie Gagos. I have been on similar journeys with her before. Six days a week she gives us a prompt to help us embrace whatever we are saying Yes to. This time around the thing I am saying Yes to is Allowing…
Allowing the things that I ask to flow into my life to come to me instead of blocking them…allowing healing, allowing prosperity, allowing feeling, allowing trust, allowing confidence, allowing independence, allowing community, allowing the perfect house…
I would like to share with you some of what I have experienced and learned on my journey so far.
As preparation for the course, Stephanie asked us to make a commitment to our Yes, something that we would follow-through on throughout the course. I chose to post a gratitude list everyday. My reasoning was that one of the best ways to allow more blessings flow into our lives is to be grateful for what we already have. I have found this to be true during the last few weeks. The more I find to be grateful for, the more my life flows.
Here are some examples of what I have been posting:
May 31st
Today I am thankful for…
– Teaching Reiki classes independently again and giving my students exactly what they needed
– My children being incredibly helpful and cooperative all weekend while I was teaching
– Time to reconnect with the kids
– Sleeping in
– Connecting with Creator
– J.O.Y.
– Facebook
– Healing
– My work
– Buckwheat pillows
June 2nd
Today I am thankful for…
– Yoga!
– Reiki
– Facebook games
– Journaling leading to tears and shouting and release
– Making a nice dinner for me and the kids
– Having timeto nap…and doing it!
June 7th
Today I am thankful for
– Mira and the shamanic journeying she facilitated
– Sleeping in
– Reading
– Getting stuff done around the house
– Getting caught up on progress notes so that I’ll be free to take the kids to Busch Gardens tomorrow
June 16th
Today I am thankful for…
– Having energy
– Getting so much done
– Learning how to change an aerator
– Reading
– My Lighthouse Job
– Inquiry about classes in Miami
– Chocolate
Notice that some of these things might be considered big or special, and some of them might be considered quite ordinary. All of them are blessings, and the more we acknowledge our blessings, the more open we are to receiving even more blessings.
On day 2 the prompt was to write about a day in the life of our Yes. This is an exercise I have done several times with Stephanie and with others. This was the most clear my vision of my goal has ever been, and that is so exciting to me. Here is what I wrote:
Since I have allowed everything into my life that I want, I wake up around 9 am feeling well-rested and perfectly healthy. I take my time getting up. Do some yoga and then talk with the kids about our plans for the day. They are on summer break and plan to enjoy the day. I go out and work with one of my visually impaired clients in the community. I come back home and have lunch. By this time, we have the home we have been waiting for. We have a two-story house with three bedrooms upstairs. There is a nice, big back yard to play in and have bonfires. Downstairs in the front of the house is a large room I use for teaching. There is a smaller room off to the side to do Reiki and spiritual counseling in. In the back of the house is the kitchen and living room. On this day I meet with a couple of clients for healing and spiritual counseling. I have a waiting list, but keep my schedule to the right balance of seeing clients and having time to relax. A healthy and delicious dinner is prepared by my part-time cook and cleaning lady. After dinner I do dishes and play a game with the kids. After they are tucked in, I check my email and see that two more people have signed up for the spiritual development intensive I am teaching this weekend. I spend time browsing information for a cruise I am planning to take with the kids and then make plans to see a play the following weekend. I am prosperous, happy, healthy, and whole.
On day 4, we were encouraged to find a gesture to help us embody our Yes. I chose to hold my arms up and open, ready to receive all the blessings wanting to come into my life. It is trusting that everything I need and desire will be provided.
A few times a day try to stop whatever I am doing and hold my arms up and open. I say (out loud) something like “I am ready to receive. I am open. I allow the wonderful blessings I have asked for to come into my life.” Giving voice to my Yes is an important part of the healing and integration process.
For day 6 we were asked to create a self-portrait. I thought about using crayons and making what I call my “gingerbread people,” but instead I decided to go digital. I played with a picture my daughter had taken of me on PicMonkey to create this sepia version here as well as the final product I submitted which is at the top of this post. I added the words “Ask. Trust. Allow.” I have been using these words as an affirmation and reminder to myself. A supervisor at one of my first jobs out of college used this as part of her email address. I find it to succinctly sum up the process I am endeavoring to embrace.
June 10th was a turning point for me. One of my “allowings” is to allow myself to feel and express my feelings, whatever they may be. Well I had been feeling depressed and sad. I allowed myself these feelings, but I also wanted to express feelings of peace, empowerment, and joy. The prompt for the day was to write a love letter to myself. I was able to write from the heart, and by doing so, I was able to find all those feelings. Here is my love letter:
Dear Niki,
I want to let you know that you made the right decision. Even though you are sad and angry and hurt about the end of the relationship with AumJah, you did what was right for you, and that is so important. It was honoring yourself. I honor you for doing that.
You have come so far since last April. You embraced the Awakening instead of shoving it back down. You have learned to identify and express your emotions. You have learned to trust yourself and stand up for yourself more. You have released a lot of shame and fear. You have learned to communicate your needs and feelings. You have spoken out about things that are important to you. You have advocated for yourself and others. You have sought and utilized the tolls and support you need.Wow! That’s a lot!
I’m so proud of you. But beyond that, I love you.
I love your compassionate heart, your healing hands, and your genuine smile. I love that you can meet people where they are and appreciate them for who they are without judgement. I love the way you express yourself: song, dancing, writing, art – all of it.
I love you Niki.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Day 17 was about releasing. In order to allow what I want in, it is necessary for me to make room by releasing whatever is getting in the way. For me, a big part of this is doubt. I had already received this image in my mind while working with the gesture of opening my arms to receive, so for this prompt I found an existing image to overlay with the words “I release doubt.”
But I knew there was more to this one. I decided to do a meditation to find out what doubt looks like. I am learning about shamanic journeying so I employed some of the imagery associated with that path and asked a spirit guide to show me doubt. 
He immediately took me to a room with a huge oyster holding a gigantic pearl. That pearl was doubt. It starts as an irritant, a speck of dirt, something that seems of no consequence. But as we embrace doubt, we nurture, we help it grown, eventually we come to cherish it. This makes it so much harder to release the doubts than if we saw them for the irritating, non-help dirt particles that they are.
Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you. I look forward to sharing whatever I encounter on the rest of my journey.